Friggin hillarious!!!

[quocta23]

This has to be the funniest post i have ever read. It was on a carp forum but i'm sure it is relevant to all fishing...


The Ultimate Secrets Revealed
By Stan Geidel


In 2004 I had a terrible year of carp fishing. I caught far fewer fish in that year than I did in previous years. And, the fish I managed to catch were a good deal smaller than those I caught in prior years. I have thought about this for a long time, and have reached the following conclusions:

1. BETTER EQUIPMENT MEANS FEWER FISH. Yep, it’s true. I’ve replaced my old 6-foot bass rods with 12-foot carp rods. My old spinning reels, which had served me faithfully for years, have been replaced with baitrunners. Instead of cutting a couple of forked sticks from a nearby tree, I no w have a nice rod pod. I could go on, but you get the point: I’ve upgraded to real carp equipment. The carp don’t seem to care.

2. MORE EQUIPMENT MEANS FEWER FISH. There is no doubting the truth of this statement. I have a cart full of equipment. In the past, I didn’t even have a cart. Now I need one to carry everything I’ve bought. In the past, I hopped out of the car and was set up and fishing within ten minutes. Now I can’t even unload the cart in ten minutes; it takes me about forty-five minutes to get set up and begin fishing. I know the carp start laughing when they see me coming down to the bank dragging this arsenal of gear.

3. FANCY BAITS MEAN FEWER FISH. I suspect all of us know the truth of this statement. Now I have to start days in advance to prepare my baits. First there’s the groundbait – I’ve got nine (honestly, nine) separate plastic bins in the garage, each containing a different type of animal feed. Then I have to spend a whole evening grinding this stuff in a blender to reduce it to granules. Then I mix it and bag it. And that’s just my groundbait. After all that, I start making my actual bait - boilies. I’ve got multiple types of flours and other ingredients that go into the dry mix. Then there’s the flavors...I buy these from specialty shops. All told, it takes hours for me to get my baits ready for a weekend of fishing. I think my baits scare the carp! In the past, all I did was stop in at the grocery store on my way to the river to buy a can of corn. I caught a lot of carp; you would think I was exaggerating if I told you how many.

4. SPECIAL RIGS MEAN FEWER FISH. I’m doing it all...hair rigs, safety rigs, anti-tangle rigs, feeders, anti-eject rigs, backleads, shock leaders...the carp must really be having a laugh at my expense. In the past, I side-hooked my corn on just about any hook I had handy. I used to catch so many, I’d literally lose count. Big ones, too.

5. THE MORE KNOWLEDGE YOU ACCUMULATE, THE FEWER FISH YOU CATCH. This is completely true and cannot be refuted. I’ve gotten tons of advice from the CAG discussion forum, from books, from videos, from going to fish-ins, and from weekend trips with other carp anglers. None of it works. Period. Forget about the barometer, the temperature, the phase of the moon, the time of day...it’s all useless. The simple truth is, sometimes the fish bite, and sometimes they don't. In the past, my approach was much more successful: if I had the time to go fishing, I went. If I was too busy, I didn’t. It worked.

6. IF YOU TRAVEL TO THE BEST VENUES, YOU WILL CATCH FEWER AND SMALLER FISH. This past year I drove all over the state of Indiana in search of twenty-to-thirty-pound carp. Most of these places are three or more hours from my house. I’ve gone to all the places in the state that have the best reputation. If a lake was rumored to contain monster carp, I got directions to it and off I went. I even traveled a couple of thousand miles to fish in one of the best venues in the country. But you know the largest fish I’ve ever caught came from the river about fifteen minutes from my house. And I caught lots of them there.

7. THE MORE COMFORTABLE YOU ARE WHEN YOU ARE FISHING, THE FEWER FISH YOU WILL CATCH. This is absolutely true, without question. I bought myself a nice brolly to keep me comfortable. These umbrella shelters seemed perfect to me. I had to have one. Too much sun? Set up the brolly. Is it starting to rain? Get out the brolly. What a mistake! In the past, if I was fishing and it got too hot or too rainy, I went home. The reason? The fish would quit biting when it was too hot or too stormy.

8. THE USE OF ELECTRONIC GEAR WILL GUARANTEE YOU CATCH FEWER FISH. There is no doubt about this one. I’ve bought myself a wireless sonar device, with a transducer that you tie to the end of your line. This is great, I thought: a device that will accurately map out the lake or river bottom. I can scope out the water and find all the best holes. I invested a lot of time, specifically making trips to map out the bottom. I found some places that looked perfect. So I started fishing those swims. The only problem was those places had no fish! In the past, I went down to the river and if I could see carp feeding somewhere, I would fish there. And I would catch them. And of course there are other electronics, like my bite alarms. Do you know what these alarms do? They certainly don’t attract carp – they attract other anglers, who come over to fish right next to me when they hear one go off.

So there you have it – I have invested lots of money, spent countless hours, drove thousands of miles, and gathered all kinds of information. The grand result that I have achieved is that I catch far fewer and much smaller fish than I ever have. Even my wife comments on this. “Gee, you don’t seem to be catching many fish anymore,â€Â

[sony]

Your experience sure sounds familiar. Could it be that the fishing is just getting worse? Up here in North Idaho, we have been bombarded with new development, more fisherman, and more intelligent fishing pressure. Somethings gotta give.

[tonym]

Your experience sure sounds familiar. Could it be that the fishing is just getting worse? Up here in North Idaho, we have been bombarded with new development, more fisherman, and more intelligent fishing pressure. Somethings gotta give.

You got that right sony. I couldn't believe the influx of pleasure boaters and fisherman on the lakes this last summer. Hauser was the worst closely followed by Hayden.

BTW quocta23. Very funny post indeed. That's about how it works too. As the old saying goes: "If it aint broke, don't fix it".

[quantum angler nt]

very funny and probably fairly consistent with what you think in real life, huh?